Seeking

So I have my other half who is broken, and is attempting to build his wings again, and here I have, me, who am struggling. Little did I know, walking to a relationship where two people share two different faiths, could be really, really, that tough. I always thought to myself, that if I so happened to fall in love to a Muslim (which I did!) or a Christian (I am now!) all I will and need to do is to convert – and live happily ever after. I was wrong, big time.

I don’t know when exactly did my struggles begin, but I remember this really hit me hard.  http://www.reasonablefaith.org/marrying-a-non-christian Remember, love? I did share this with you. I feel even more ‘inadequate’ now that I have read the Bible for myself.

‘Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols?’ 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

‘But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are again the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.’ Galatians 5:16-17

You know, I always thought that we share the same values (well, we still do) i.e. sexual abstinence, seeing a romantic relationship with marriage in mind, being a one man’s woman/one woman’s man, our exclusivities for our other half etc. But I now begin to question, whilst your foundation is built upon your heavenly Father, what would be that of mine? I do not know. While on one hand I begin to question myself, on another, I feel that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, indeed.

Your Father truly loves you and His love for you is so evident, that secretly, I yearn for the same love. Do you remember I told you, that through you, I will have a father that I have always wanted and I will love him dearly? You’d somewhat be a benefactor in this relationship – giving me a father, and siblings that I will never have, and I know, I will love them too (but of course, I didn’t love you for that matter).

But you know what? It is this Father of yours that I need to love, for if I failed to love Him, I will never know how to love you. How can I claim to love someone whose life is centre on something that I couldn’t learn to love, yet? I can’t promise you I will either. What then? 1. I seek and I will find Him. 2. I seek and I give up. I can’t fathom option 2, for that would mean farewell for us both. If we insist, the only thing that would tie us both is lust, and not love, for God is love, and love is God. We will share no common ground, and I do not want that.

I am struggling, truly I am. I feel uncertain, and it makes me feel insecure. Will our paths converge? Will we have each other in the end? It hurts me when you are broken too. I always wish that I could do something for you. I hate not being able to pray with you, for you, and for being unable to do anything when you are broken.  You have done so much for me, so much more than I could ever ask that it keeps me going in time like this.

As bleak as this may sound, I know I will be fine. Also, do not take pity on me, and even if it pains you to walk away (if you decided to one day), but if it is the right thing to do, then remember, you must do it. Do not feel obligated to stay, or even to shoulder any responsibilities. You have me in your net now, and there is nothing that I could do, or want to do about it. I willingly stay in that net of yours.